When people tell me they don’t poop in public, I never really believe them. I mean, if you don’t poop in public, where do you poop? Do you really want to be that disciplined? It seems a big sacrifice for a little privacy. There are no ifs, ands, or butts about it, I squat firmly in the poop-in-public camp.*

Because I poop in public:

1. I can eat whatever I want, wherever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want.
2. I can get messy. Life is messy.
3. I can travel and not worry about being somewhere private by the time my bowels get kickin’.
4. I can LIVE in a world where I’m never poop-shy.

Living in a poop-anywhere world is my only option. I travel often, eat questionable food with unmatched zeal, and experience spontaneous pleasures that the poop-shy only dream about. It’s true, this line of thinking leads to both good and crappy times.** But I’m not complaining. It might be your oyster, but the world is my bathroom stall.

*I know…I couldn’t help it.
**Yeah, you really should have expected that.